What Doreen thinks about that Helix episode-M. Domestica

Doreen here again, that character that was killed off in Season 1 of Helix. Now I’m just floating around the afterlife, watching my bozo CDC co-workers bumble around in Season 2 and sharing my thoughts.

Greaaaat, Julia and Sergio are getting it on (while she calls him Alan), there’s an Ilaria board meeting to plot the end of the world, while looking at flashbacks of the Arctic Bio Systems outbreak. Good to see we’re laying all our crazy cards on the table!

Oh you know, just doin' it.

Oh you know, just foolin’ around…

...while missing a very important meeting.

…while missing a very important meeting.

Too bad that Julia and Sergio get a text that there’s a board meeting in progress. Someone in Ilaria doesn’t want Julia in the loop! But can you blame ’em? She wants to use science to increase crop yields and what not. Ilaria is all “That’s not working, so lets just kill off 75% of the human race with Narvik C, then use the cure Julia developed to save those we deem important and boom, resource problem solved!”

C’mon Julia, don’t act surprised. Sure, the secret society of silver eyed immortal beings said they would look at “non-lethal alternatives” for saving the world. But they are power mad and still holding grudges about being hunted and tortured for the past millennia (though no one seems to know they exist). So yeah, they’re gonna vote to go with Plan A.

The motion carries, let's kill off most of humanity!

The motion carries, let’s kill off most of humanity!

Brother Michael, why are people still beliving you? Especially you Ann, surely she knows how fracked up he can get, what with him marrying his daughters. But you’re not losing sleep over your mom Agness winding up dead, so you’re …Aw heck, I don’t even know anymore. Your daughter (and ordained sex partner of Michael) might be a bit crazy, but that’s a pretty normal response here. But never you mind, Instead, you just go ahead and console Michael in The Room With The Ornate Window, as he says you’ve always been his favorite. Uh huh. That line never gets old for 500 year old cult leader!

Ann comforts Michael over Agnes' "death" while the Ornate Window looks on

Ann comforts Michael over Agnes’ “death” while the Ornate Window looks on

Sarah finally wakes up! In the empty hospital ward on crazy cult island and doesn’t bat an eye. Instead she hauls herself into the lab. You know, the one where Kyle has handcuffed Alan to a bed post like thing in the lab. Queue an arguement about Kyle being a spy for Ilaria, Sarah taking Alan’s side (let the crush go, even if he’s your immortal baby daddy) and Alan not mentioning he knows Peter is in a cell somewhere on the island. The Three Muskteers this isn’t.

But despite being a jerk, Alan is a decent scientist and figures out that the pollen that causes people to go nuts is from M. Domestica, aka the common apple, that grows on the island. Whadda you say Kyle, how about releasing Alan so he can help with sample collection? No? Smart decision Kyle! Note that Sarah doesn’t fight too hard to get Alan released. If you’ve worked with him, wanting to keep him tied up is the least of things you wanted done to him.

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Yeah, even handcuffed, I’m the smartest jerk in the room.

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Kyle: What a jerk! Sara: Da’s my baby daddy!

At least Amy’s smart and knows Michael is full of crap. Too bad Ann still doesn’t want to listen, even after being told that Agnes found out that Sarah has silver eyes. Then just happended to die. From a stroke. Um what, can’t anyone tell her neck was broken, was Agnes the only doctor on the island? Why am I asking, this is cult island!

At least Brother Landry is there for Amy to vent too. Sure, he’s a part of the cult of Michael and doesn’t really believe or care that he’d force himself on you. If only there was some way that you could convince Landry to do things for you, some ancient method of seducing a man to your cause…Oh you know that method!

Which means Bro Landry is going to add something special to the ritual snacks that’ll be served at Agnes funeral.Yes, he’s going to cause a virus outbreak. Everyone who eats the poisoned berries will goes nuts trying to attack or kill each other. Bro Landry is a terrible host!

Find the person in this image who ate the poisoned berries

Find the person in this image who ate the poisoned berries

Yay, Julia at least saved a sample of the Narvik cure. Good thing to have at the end of the world! Not sure Sergio is the person to give it to, especially since he killed me. Did you guys ever try to investigate my death? Jerks. Don’t be surprised when he betrays you!

So let’s take stock with the latest virus outbreak on cult island. 1. Alan has been released to help with the outbreak 2. There is an outbreak, like 30 people members of the cult wanting to kill anyone around them and 3. Brother Michael offering to help. Yeah, this’ll work out well!
And oh look, Amy is helping Olivia (aka the stabber of Sarah) in the basement. Never work with stabbers, they’re not reliable co-workers!

(l-r) Kyle, Alan, Anne and Bro MIchael vie for who's the most crazy.

(l-r) Kyle, Alan, Anne and Bro MIchael vie for who’s the most crazy.

Not surprising that Brother Michael collects rats and uses them to torture people. Peter, it’s great that you want to keep your secrets, but having a box of hungry rats dumped in your hole in the ground cell should make you rethink things!

If not, there’s always a suddenly appearing crazy eyed lady, just when you’re about to break out. She’ll just talk in crazy riddles and then “help” you back down to the bottom of your cell. Never trust blondes! Except me.

This lady is not helping Peter escape.

This lady is not helping Peter escape.

Hey, remember Olivia, the woman who stabbed Sarah last episode? Guess who her new friend is? Amy! And why is Amy stashing her in the basement of the Abbey? To push buttons in her head of course! Buttons that suggest killing Bro Michael or doing things to harm his position of power are good ideas. Oh Amy, YOU! You’re just throwing wet noodles at the wall to see what sticks!

Good idea, Peter, telling Brother Michael about Sarah being perptually pregnant because she was pregant when transformed into an immortal. That’s just the sort of thing that will prompt a meeting between the two involving restrains and other implements.

Amy talks Olivia into doing things!

Amy talks Olivia into doing things!

Information wants to be free, so of course Brother Landery tells Amy about Sarah and her pregnancy. Bad move, ’cause she’s just going to jerk you around and not in that way!

Oooh, Julia has a surprise late night meeting with the chairperson of the Ilaria board. Of course they know your plan to try and prevent the Narvick C being released on the human population. Immortals have had time to develop their smarts. But it is nice to know that not all of the immortals are keen to kill off humanity. So Lady Chairman hands her a card with “Mlle Durant” on it and says she should contact her in a park the next morning. Because you don’t want to start these things in the middle of the night!

Here Julia, take this card to discover more secrets!

Here Julia, take this card to discover more secrets!

Turns out “Mlle Durant” is a teenager! ‘Cause once you’re immortal, then being in a child’s body doesn’t matter much! But she does have a pendant with a tree of life symbol, one that has appeared on cult island. More connections!

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Immortal pre-teen!

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Pendant with a symbol…

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…that’s also on the island!


On look, Bro. Landry chose Michael? Over his gal pal Amy?! No, they’re framing Ann? Kids these days, geeze! Amy sold out her Mom! Family relationships are always so messed up. Landry, will you get a special award? Hopefully we don’t have to watch. AGAIN.

Olivia’s group makes their move, breaking the infected out of their hospital beds, while preaching all sorts of crazy talk about the CDC team causing all the problem. Not much Alan and Kyle could do about that, they don’t have the numbers, so Olivia’s gang wins this round. Brother Landry “helps” by drugging Alan the same way he drugged the Children of the Orchard. Remember how they attacked Kyle, almost killing him? Yeah, Alan’s next on the list of “who will go crazy”.

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Olivia arrives to “rescue” the infected!

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Bro Landry hugs Alan as he puts him down for a nap


But in a different way! There won’t be a stoning! Instead, he goes back to the lab, all docile and black eyed, and talks Kyle into leaving the room. Sarah’s all alone! Time to make her unconscious, all the better transport her to Brother Michael.

Newly drugged Alan attacks his baby momma

Newly drugged Alan attacks his baby momma


500 years has made Brother Michael into a very good actor.

Don’t stay on Cult Island!

If you do stay, don’t trust Brother Michael!

Stay out of the orchard! An apple a day can make you go cray cray!

Amy is a manipulative liar and the sanest person on the island! Because she wants to get off it!

Hungry rats are not your friend. Ever.