The Strain, Season 1- All Those Episodes Before the 9th One!

Just a quick review!

strain planeTra la la, there’s a plane full o’ people, heading to JFK, New York. Somebody does something stupid and opens a door to the cargo hold where something has been banging on the door. Tired of economy class, that something comes through the door and turns the plane into Meals on Wings! W00t! The plane magically lands even though everyone’s dead! The CDC sends  handsome super doc Ephraim (call him Eph), his beautiful cohort Dr. Nora and plain looking, but still kinda cute Jim, to investigate! But wait, not everyone is dead! 4 people wake up with no memory of what happened.

Cue pandemonium! The people who were at the airport waiting for their family and friends are now very mad, and the plane is quarantined! Also there’s a  giant, creepy, beautifully carved wooden box in the cargo hold and no one knows how it got there! Shadows are slithering around eating people. And there’s a crushed skull or two! Clearly someone has anger management issues.

Meanwhile, in the life of Jim, he lets the van with the box get through the barrier. To save his wife ’cause he loves his dying wife. Not like Eph, who also loves his wife, but hates his wife’s boyfriend and is super pissed about custody battles in the middle of a BIG IMPORTANT case! His kid and his cohort Dr. Nora (aka also sometimes girlfriend) are the only people that like Eph. Well, except for vampires, but that’s an entirely different kind of like where they want to slather in a homemade sauce and chow down. Alcohol doesn’t like Eph, his bosses turn out not to like him, the people waiting for answers at the airport don’t like him and even your humble reviewers look at him sideways.

On the other side of town, we have German Dude, who is in charge of the box. Old Rich Guy who financed the box’s arrival, the shut down of the internet (via HackerGirl) and managed the payoffs/deaths of key people at the CDC and airlines. They are a barrel of laughs, but don’t invite them over for dinner.

kevin-durand-the-strain-fxThere’s a delightful Russian Exterminator, RatMan, who is smart enough to know something is up with the city’s vermin. There’s a couple of small time criminals, who get paid to do things, like drive the box around town for sightseeing, put dead bodies into the river and represent the lil’ people.

There’s also OldMan Strakarian! He knows about vampires! He has a sword cane! And a pawn shop! And an armory! But no one listens to him because really, who believes an old guy going on about vampires? Well, Jim sort of does and finally gets him out of jail. But not before we find out OldGuyFormerlyLordFrey knows creepy German Dude. In the old days of World War II Nazi infested Poland, OldMan was carpenter and was assigned the task of carving THE box that’s in the cargo hold. And he did! It was a beautiful job, so good that the German gave him extra sandwiches and the Master vampire broke his hands, but didn’t kill him. ‘Cause he respects artists dammit!

Oh yeah and there’s all the delightful blood sucking creatures. The bitchy Lawyer mom, who doesn’t eat her children, cause the nanny is smart (and some AWESOME vampire special squad helps). The lawyer does eat her husband, but he’ll be reborn on Galactica. The Crazy Rock Star, does eats some starlets, impersonates Marilyn Manson and lets his dick fall off. The suburban dad does eats the dog, but not his wife (love conquers all!) or kids, but does eat his terrible, whiny neighbor. The pilot stays in the hospital, while Eph and crew try to get a clue but eventually they have to bash his head in, ’cause vampires!

morgue heartHave we mentioned the dead bodies from the plane in the morgue, crawling with worms and waking up and going home for snacks? Alas the medical examiner in a very scientific way, picked up a heart squirming with worms and beating anew. Next we see him, he worm-attacks the FBI agents, holding Eph for the pilot’s murder, thus helping Eph escape custody. Remember kids, stay away from worms!

There was an awesome solar eclipse, which helped the vampires infect more people by making the night longer! Now the subways are overrun with vampires, the rats are moving to New Jersey, the city is sorta shut down and no one has a handle on the situation! But finally Eph, Nora, Jim, The Russian RatMan and OldManFormerlyFrey get together to fight vampire crime.