Ah… We open with a miracle! A destroyed church with a remaining artifact. It needs verification! Not ’cause the Church doesn’t believe, but for other people to believe. Hmmm. Flip it over and I can think of two other people who might want to verify the line and circle of an so familiar diagram…
South Beach, Miami! We’re collecting something. Hunter gets to kiss the executive assistant of a very important person and rescue a flash drive from her purse. And Skye uses it to get invitations for a shindig. No one touches Lola! Not even Mac, who has a love of classic cars and really wants to get under her hood. May wants flat shoes! $500 worth! Skye has hacked May and Coulson into some swank party to rescue the painting with mysterious writing on the back! What, does no one carry around a sketchbook anymore?!
May is laughing! And everyone is terrified! Except May, whose face hurts from smiling so much! Coulson decides on some peace and… dancing?? He turns the coms off and they recon while tango-sashaying across the floor. They discuss old times… (dance elective at SHIELD Academy??) May notes that Coulson is shaky. She’ll pull the plug if he gets in over his head! Coulson says we need a back-up plan in case he goes all Garrett. And then Talbot turns around from the bar! He’s an art collector too! Looks like he’s a scotch neat man. Or maybe that’s apple juice.
Coulson gets out his brass cojones and walks right up to Talbot and says hello. Coulson reminds Talbot how useful Coulson’s actions and gifts have been to Talbot’s career. Talbot agrees to stand out until something goes wrong (hahaha, did you think unless? of course it’s until). The two of them actually get along for once, how odd.
Back on the bus the kids are whining about how some of us get stuck on a plane, some of us get to kiss girls, some of us ride scooters, blah blah blah. Coulson pipes back in, with the Talbot news and says they’ll bump up the plan timing.
May is schmoozing with the party host about his generosity, laying it on thick , speaking sexy spanish (how does Lola feel about this), while the folks on the bus are looking for their dropped jaws. She ropes Coulson into taking a photo. Of the host’s eyes and retina! Why don’t I have that app on my iPhone?? They sneak off, as Talbot floats in all chatty with security, and head downstairs to painting storage. Coulson pops a guy in the face, puts the scanned retina patterns into the eye security thingy and admires May’s dress. Surprisingly, she does not hit him, but only smirks. Down to Level 2!
Laser grids! Why is it always laser grids! Coulson Limbers Up (#18), gets ready and … May strolls across the floor saying, they already know we’re here. Uh oh. And of course the painting is gone. Because, Skye finds out, the painting is already in Talbot’s closet.
Talbot calls someone, explains about SHIELD and now we have to pick up our jaws off the floor cause it’s Dr. Whitehall on the other end of the phone. Hyrda is really good at recruiting! Must be all that swag!
Coulson and May are reveling in the old day feeling of field missions and run right into Talbot. Who’s all bragging about the painting. And the writing on the back of the painting and then Talbot’s all ‘come look at the painting and I’m staying at the such and such hotel’. May and Coulson discuss the next steps, Coulson goes to chat with the kids and May goes to recon the hotel.
Speaking of the kids… Skye’s doing extra credit work, the boys are chatting about wives and exes and Fitz is… sad. FakeSimmons encourages him to play well with others and he mopes off.
May! She’s spying at the hotel, sees an agent (# 33!) looking at Coulson’s file, it’s a HYDRA file. She goes in hitting, asks about Talbot (thinking he’s kidnapped). Talbot shows up, there’s more fighting and Talbot’s face goes weird ’cause a Mission Impossible mask is hiding Sunil Bakshi, aka Sharp Dressed Evil Lackey from last week. May gets knocked out, so the evil duo decide to impersonate May. Which I LOLed at, cause impersonate May! She’s gonna pull that off! HAHAHA. NotMay calls Coulson, says get ready, I’m coming to pick you up.
Fitz is sad and moping in the garage (the old lab space). FakeSimmons is trying really hard to cheer up Fitz and NotMay strolls through, gets Coulson, plants her little compuserve bug and tells Coulson, Talbot is like totally legit dude and we need to go party with him. Bro.
May wakes up, strapped to a chair. Looking very Black Widow like. Sharp Dressed Evil Agent gets all “I’m gonna torture you ’cause my boss is into compliance”. He pulls a light out of the ceiling, rips it down to the electrical wire (seriously longest wire ever) and mugs for the camera.
In the car, Coulson is talking about the other plan, the back up plan to take out Coulson if he goes Garrett and for May to take over as the Director of SHIELD. NotMay is very nice about it, even pats Coulson hand… which may tip her own hand.
Back on the bus, Fitz is looking on as the others chat, when the bus shuts down. He points out the sabotage device and mentions the plane will probably self destruct. He also says it’s very SHIELD like. This is why you should copyright stuff people!!
NotMay and Coulson get off the elevator and head to the room where May is tied up, while Coulson gets chatty about traps and old times and going to get a coffee later, which NotMay agrees to. So Coulson punches her! ‘Cause May hates coffee. Evil Lackey pauses from looking so evil and goes to look through the peephole! May gets out of her bonds and tackles him. Somebody clearly didn’t take the Hydra elective on tying knots!
The Bus! It’s dark, Fitz is trying to um, whatchamacall it, uh…explain how the virus bomb works. It’s going through the plane blowing out things down in a specific order and soon it will blow out something in the wings. Which have fuel! Lots of it! Not a BBQ you want to attend
May is having fun kicking ass in bare feet. She takes out Evil Lackey and gets out in to the hall and it’s a May on May showdown! Coulson’s heart skips a beat!
Turns out NotMay doesn’t like heels either. Coulson’s all wishing someone would Instagram this fight. And the Mays go at it. Coulson can’t stay and watch cause Evil Lackey has slipped out with the painting and damnit, somebody needs to catch him!
Back on the bus, Fitz grabs Hunter and they run down to some very wired, electrical junction-y part of the plane and Fitz mostly explains he can’t use his hands so he has to use Hunter’s. And Hunter says, ‘we have smarter people then me’ and Fitz is all ‘they’re busy’. Ha, kiss that Hunter!
Evil Lackey is calling for back up and Coulson ICES him. The Mays keep fighting, apparently Agent 33 went to the Black Widow & May School of Martial Arts and is keeping up ok. May pulls out a few awesome tricks and makes NotMay work.
NotMay is starting to loose and grabs some knives and May is just super cool with bring it on hand waves and finally, in the coolest flip ever, smashes Agent 33’s head on the coffee table. OW. That’s gonna smart.
Fitz is still guiding Hunter and the plane goes dark, flashes on and starts to reboot. Kinda like Windows, right?
Coulson picks up the painting, hears that Hydra back up is 2 minutes out and runs back to May. Who gets sucker punched by the faking NotMay. Seriously, that’s a lot of fake. NotMay goes to stab May, but gets chatty and May is all you talk too much and ZAP. Lucky that wire is still hanging there. Coulson and May escape out the back as Hydra storms in the front. You can tell its Hydra because they have the logo on their spec ops uniforms.
Back on the bus, in the lab, Fitz is messing about, Mac is chilling and Hunter comes in with celebratory beers. Fitz is all I shouldn’t, Hunter insists he saved the day and SHIELD can be successful again. FakeSimmons encourages Fitz, he picks up the beer and FakeSimmons is gone. Fitz blurts out he had a sort of ex he confessed his love to and she left because of it. (Dear Fitz, please stop being a kicked puppy. It’s very sad. OKLoveyoubye) The guys stand around awkwardly for a minute ’cause sharing isn’t caring and then toast to moving on.
Skye is analyzing the painting and stuff and Trip walks in, offers to help. Coulson is chatting with actual Talbot who’s all I did what now? Then suggests SHIELD turn over the hard won treasures from the meeting. Coulson says everything was destroyed during the fight. Talbot, who must have some lab people injecting him with sense of humor, says he misses his days in a work camp. SHIELD is more troublesome. CLICK. Boring conversation anyway!
Coulson and May agree that Hydra is also looking for alien writing and it turns out the painting is 500 years old (not like the obelisk) but the writing is new! So there’s another person, like Coulson carving on stuff. They chat about notMay and the back up plan. May shows him the plan. It’s not a kill plan, it’s an outback escape cabin. With kangaroos. Coulson says she might have to kill him instead. May reluctantly agrees.
Riana! Is looking to go to Miami and instead gets visited by Whitehall. And bugged. With a little thing that digs in her arm and controls her. Like a tiny Centipede bit of tech. And then he threatens long term surgery unless she give him the obelisk in 48 hours.
And commercials, previews for next week…
Agents of SHIELD is on a roll, right? This was a fun to watch episode that had its own story that played into the bigger picture really well. The best part was that it wasted no time getting us right into the main action. Always start your story on Chapter 3! Great to get a sense of humor back with Talbot. WE love seeing May kick ass, Coulson have fun and Fitz finally take a step forward. Nobody likes a moper Fitz! We enjoyed the back and forth between the two scenes; it was great TV tension and action.
New Rules for the Agents Handbook:
May doesn’t drink coffee. You should know that if you impersonate her.
Get a hold of some cool tech toys. Disguise masks, virus bombs whatever…
Lance has no technical skills at all, send that boy to night school!
Wear optimum shoes at all times!
Phil doesn’t like staying in cabins.
Everyone can find something to do! Even Fitz!
Always choose the dancing elective!